Malcontent

 Yep. That's me. In the past few months, work has been getting progressively frustrating. It's all coming to a head this week. 

Monday's schedule was so insanely fucked up that I reached a level of pissed that even I didn't know I was capable of, and I once threatened to climb over a former boss' desk and beat the everloving shit out of him. 

All sorts of asshole patients this week, too. It's like there's something in the air that is causing everyone to be a miserable cunt. I literally stood up and walked out on two patients today because they were being completely obnoxious shits, and I have never done that, even once, before. 

Then today, I get home and go to refill the cat feeder (yes, he's somehow still around). I'm just sitting there, on the floor, struggling to open this fucking stubborn goddamn Iams bag, and the roommate asks if I want scissors. 

"Sure."

Thud.

"Did you just throw scissors at me"

"Well, I tossed them with the handle facing you"

"DID. YOU. JUST. FUCKING. THROW SCISSORS AT ME????"

"Well....yeah"

"THE FIRST TWO FUCKING THINGS YOU LEARN ABOUT SCISSORS IS NOT TO RUN WITH THEM AND NOT TO FUCKING THROW THEM. WHAT THE FUCK?"

I swear that if shit doesn't start getting better, I'm going to quit my job, pack a few things, close out the bank account, and go be a handyman in the middle of nowherefuck, Iowa. 

As much as I've been thinking "burn this fucker down" (P!NK, Funhouse style), I would never burn down a building. 

Because the lowest level of hell isn't fire. It's frozen. : )

Flora, Fauna, and Mental Illness.

 I had to pick up a prescription yesterday. I should have just walked out of the Meijer and decided to have a great rest of the day. 

But I was bored. 

Took a lap around the store. Looked at the Halloween section, couldn't find much. 

I should explain that around a year or so ago, we had to put down the roommate's cat. A week later, a woman I worked with was trying to get rid of a cat. 

So now I have a cat. He doesn't pay much attention to the roommate, but will not leave me alone. Morning, noon, or night, this furry little bastard is always trying to get me to play. I usually do, but it's annoying as fuck to wake up because a cat is punching you in the mouth and licking your eyelids at 315am.

I went to the pet section to see if there was anything worthwhile, but didn't really know what to get, so I moved on.

I then had the brilliant idea of buying flowers for the roommate. Sunflowers. Good times. 

Then I got home and remembered "Oh shit. There's a cat". 

Yep. Lou was very interested in the flowers. So much so that I had to lock them in the bathroom, which he kept flinging himself against the door to get in. 

Roommate gets home, loves the flowers. Now we have to figure out where the hell to put them.

I should mention that we have a room named "the green room" because that's it's only distinguishing characteristic. Also, it looks like a hoarder's paradise. Boxes everywhere. We keep the door shut, because Lou loves to get in there and wreak havoc. Also, it's where I'm keeping some trees under a grow light for the winter.

So we decide to the put the flowers in with the trees. Roommate goes in, keeps the cat from getting in there, and comes back out sans flowers and vase.

For some reason, unknown to everyone involved, Roommate opens the door to the green room. Lou rushes in and hides. Roommate tries to coax the cat out to no avail. 

I go in, and Lou refuses to listen to anything about leaving the room. So I have to navigate the green room boxes like some friendly neighborhood Godzilla, trying not to destroy cardboard-box Tokyo.

Finally, I chase him out. 

Slightly annoyed, I say "Can we please do something about the green room?" 

Roommate, having some kind of war-time switched flipped in her head "Ok, let's do it right now"

Me: "It's 830 and I don't want to spend all night on this"

R: "This happens EVERY TIME. You say we need to clean it, then I say let's do it now, and you say no"

Me: "You always want to do this at night. Besides, when did we talk about this last?"

R: "I think a month or two ago"

M: "It was a week and a half ago and I asked if we could clean it over the weekend, and then you slept all weekend"

Suddenly, it's Niagara Falls time. She just starts bawling. 

M: "Wait. Why are you crying?"

R: "Because I don't know how to act like a real human being"

M: "Dude. It's just the green room. But next time, you're chasing the cat out"

Roommate's medication was adjusted. 

Don't Spare the Spare Ribs.

Yep. I did it. I broke a rib. First false rib  (#8) on the right side. 

Everyone asks me "How did you do that?" immediately followed by "how did you fall out of bed?"

Easy - I rolled over. Where I went to roll over, there was no more bed, but there was gravity. And a shoe.  

CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGE!

Since there's never been any official record of a Captain Tso, Cap Tsao, Cap AnythingrelatedtospicyAmericanizedChineseFoodwithChicken, I like to think he's Mongolian and relentless. But in control of his army. 

Well, don't be sad - because two out of three ain't bad. 

It all started, as it usually does, with a simple question: "What do you want to do for lunch?"

Every day, this question. Nobody can ever come to a conclusion. Well, fear not. Today, someone came in with "Let's get King Shing!". King Shing is an awesome Chinese restaurant in Ann Arbor. Had to look it up. Wasn't sure if it was A2 or Ypsi. Anyhow....

Egg Foo Yung is my go to. Basically an omelette with gravy. I've realized lately that a lot of Chinese places don't have it on the menu. King Shing joins that group. At least, they don't have it for a lunch combo. So I opted for the Tso. It came earlier than expected, and was awesome. One of the best work lunches I've had. Unfortunately, my request for "hurt me" as the heat level seemed to ignored. 

Or so I thought. 

General Tso got me an hour later. Almost off-guard. Luckily, or not so much so, there was the thick cotton barrier between his army, and the destruction of the work toilet. 

Initially, I took the elevator to the basement - there's a bathroom down there that very people use. No luck - it was at full capacity. Went up to the second floor side bathroom and just as I was dropping trou, the janitor started pounding on the door. I pulled my scrubs up and stiff walked to the basement crapper, which was now empty. What happened next could only be described as an extinction level event. 

General Tso wreaked havoc on both my body and the bathroom. My Hanes held steadfast, like the Great Wall of China, against the two small platoons of warriors that broke rank.

I ended up going commando for the rest of the day.

I can just feel the burning hatred whenever the custodian looks at me. There's no way he didn't know who's underwear ended up in the garbage that day.

Eat shit, Tso.

Huh?

Wait. This is still here?

How long before the psychos start flooding in again?